Giving Thanks is a Sign of Love"

We hear expressions like “She is truly blessed” or “I am blessed with good fortune” or we say “Thank God.” We talk about giving thanks or “being thankful.” Blessings, giving thanks and gratitude are very much related but just what is a blessing and to whom or what are we giving thanks? These are important questions particularly as we enter the season of Thanksgiving – this special time of year when people, at least a lot of people, set aside their daily trials and tribulations to share a great feast with family and loved ones and hopefully to take the opportunity to give thanks for all that they have.

Image by Rebekka D from Pixabay

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” What simple words these are and how very easy they are to say. Why is it that these words are forgotten so many times during our daily lives? Being thankful is something that seems to come easily for some people but is far too difficult for others. Being thankful is very characteristic in some regions of the world and even in some regions of our country, but it is often neglected in the dizzying fast-paced life of a lot of America.

Giving thanks, or lack thereof, is particularly common when driving. I’ve driven around the country and across the country twice. At one point on the way to Seminary in Berkeley from New York, I took nine weeks and drove some 10,000 miles inside the U.S. – mostly backroads all the way. In rural areas, I found people to be particularly polite. (Farms in the Midwest). In cities, not so much. In fact, in many urban areas, if you stop to let someone into at an intersection or from another lane, most people just proceed ahead without any sign of thanks. It is as though you saw them and knew they were entitled to have the right-of-way.

We see this here on the Cape too – particularly in the summer. Next time you see someone refusing to let someone in despite a long line of cars behind them – take a look at the license plate. Very likely, the car is not from Cape Cod. What’s going on here?

And another one of my favorites - how many times have you held a door for a stranger and had them walk past you without thanking you or even acknowledging your presence. It is as though the other person thinks that you should have been there all along; just waiting for them to come along so you could open the door for them. When this happens to me, I usually smile brightly and say, “You’re welcome as the person walks silently past me.” Sometimes this elicits a hasty thank you. Sometimes it produces a cold stare. Why is it so difficult for people to be thankful?

By the way – “your welcome” seems also to be an expression not often used. So often when I say thank you to people their response is: “no problem.” And this seems to be said with an attitude as though the person was bothered by helping you but decided to forget it. This instead of being happy to help you. The better and more thankful response is “your welcome” which means, it was my pleasure to help you. “No problem,” annoys me for some reason.

I think part of the reason people are so often ungrateful or forego giving thanks is that, for several decades, our society has been emphasizing a sense of entitlement. It is now inferred in American culture that just because we are alive, we automatically have the right to many things. Carried to the extreme, this can be a rather bizarre concept that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Even our nation’s social caring programs are called “Entitlement Programs – instead of something like “Humanitarian Programs” or Social Programs.”

This is not to suggest that there is not merit in society providing services for the less fortunate, but in modern America, we have gone far beyond this. We have become a society that expects and demands entitlement and a society that has largely forgotten that life is a gift and that we as individuals are not automatically entitled to anything just because we were born. What’s worse is that we often seek more in life without even being thankful for what we already have. Buddhists would say that this is the reason we suffer – our desires always keep us from being happy, content and thankful.

Probably a significant cause for why we too often fail to give thanks is that we are so blessed with prosperity that we take for granted the things that we do have. For most of human history, people lived closer to the edge of survival. When a person is faced with the uncertainty that food will be available or that shelter and physical safety are secure, there is a greater appreciation when these things are at hand. When was the last time you were worried about the availability of food for the day or about finding shelter from the elements?

Ritual thanks were and are a frequent component of the daily lives of all primal peoples. Thanksgiving ceremonies marking the harvest season, or a successful hunt, or the coming of spring have been present in virtually all societies and cultures around the world since the dawn of humanity. Even the idea of giving thanks by saying a prayer before meals is common in most cultures.

Thanksgiving ceremonies are part of the simple religions of indigenous peoples as well as those of highly developed religions of more advanced cultures. Most of the time these ceremonies incorporate some kind of sacrifice whether it be an animal sacrifice, ceremonial sacrifice or financial sacrifice to support others. But in every case, religious ceremonies oriented around giving thanks acknowledge the gift of life and they offer thanks to the revered forces that create and uphold life whether they are derived from God or gods or from the sacred in the unfolding universe itself.

What has happened in America is that we have forgotten how sacred, how fragile, and how amazing our own life really is? The problem with failing to live one’s life as a thankful person is that, generally speaking, the less thankful we are, the more demanding we become. The less thankful we are, the more we expect things to go the way we want and the more bitter we become when things don’t work out the way we expect.

I think all of us know or have met people who are demanding, selfish people – individuals who do not have the words “thank you” in their vocabulary. Picture the characteristics of this type of person in your mind and I am certain you will recognize that these types of people are usually bitter and self-absorbed people who care little about such things as compassion and selflessness. These types of people do not know the meaning of love because a person cannot know what love is unless their being is infused with the characteristic of being grateful. Part of the act of loving is being thankful.

How many people have you ever met who were compassionate, caring and loving yet who are not grateful or thankful for all they had in their life? I am certain there are no such people. The lesson here is that giving thanks and practicing thankfulness can help you to become a more caring, more compassionate, more loving person.

Following from this, it is clear that taking the time to try one’s best to be a thankful person is spiritually healthy. Those who fail to be thankful in their life often fill the void of thankfulness with bitterness and resentment. Far worse, they may even harm others with words and deeds in an effort to deal with their feelings. Simply put, mean people are not thankful people.

Taking the time, every day, yes, every day, to give thanks in some way, not just to other people, but to life in general and to the sacred force that has made life possible is important because being thankful can be spiritually uplifting. Being thankful can refocus us from the disappointments in our life to the realization of all the good things that we do have. It can help us keep our lives in context. It can help keep our lives in balance. Giving thanks can make us happier and kinder people.

Giving thanks need not be a religious act but, of course, it can be. Nearly every religion in the world places great emphasis on giving thanks. In some cases, giving thanks is related to appeasing a potentially fickle God or gods who may not provide additional blessings unless appropriate thanks are forthcoming.

But in many cases, people are thankful because they realize life is an incredible gift and they want to always remember this. It is important to recall that our own personal existence can truly be called miraculous. It is billions, if not trillions, of happenings since the dawn of time that have occurred that have made our own life possible. Without each one of these, you and me would not exist. Isn’t that worth being thankful for?

There is another reason to be thankful. Apart from being spiritually uplifting, being thankful can make a huge difference in the lives of others. I happened upon a few true stories that illustrate this (from Reader’s Digest):

From a woman:

As I mindlessly open my daughter’s lunch box to empty it, a small scrap of paper floats to the floor. Still with my mind elsewhere, I bend over to pick it up. The word Mom catches my attention. Mom, thanks for making me a yummy lunch. Though in ten years of packing lunches I’ve never left a note in my kids’ lunch boxes, my eight-year-old deliberately planned this one, held on to the thought during recess, wrote it as soon as she got back to class, and remembered to put it in her lunch box. If I’ve ever complained about making lunches before, I never will again. I’m grateful that I get to make lunches­—and for a lesson on appreciating the tiniest of things.—Nina Palmer, Ladera Ranch, California 

From another:

About 15 years ago, we purchased a dining set from an older couple after seeing their ad. When we went to pick it up, it was apparent to me that the lady was having a hard time seeing it go, although it hadn’t been used for many years. On Thanksgiving, I set the table, took a picture, and sent it to her, saying we were thankful to be enjoying the beautiful set. She sent a note back that read, It looks like it was meant to be. It really has helped me, seeing it happy. Thank you from my heart.—Diane Ensch, Mansfield, Texas

From a volunteer

I recorded several audiobooks for the blind. I received a braille card that said thanks for my work. Fortunately, the sender also enclosed a reading chart for the braille words. It took me 90 minutes to figure out what the card said. It reminded me of how blessed I am and how much I can keep giving.—Yen Chou, Taipei, Taiwan

My coworker sent me this heartwarming e-mail after I was laid off: Thank you for giving me a chance way back when. This position got me off state assistance, paid for my car, and has blessed me and my son in so many ways. You have been an amazing mentor and friend, the best! I’ve learned so much from you. To speak up for myself. To be less emotional when things go wrong. To have patience with myself and others. Thank you for being so incredibly patient with me and my thousands of questions and mistakes! It has helped my confidence in so many ways. Thank you! Thank you! It was humbling for me to know that I had that kind of impact on someone’s life by just being myself, doing my job.—Michael Shearing, Port Angeles, Washington

After I had worked as a mail carrier for 30 years, it was time to retire. I put a note in each of my 436 customers’ mailboxes, thanking them for allowing me to serve them over the years. I never expected that on my last day so many would hang balloons on the boxes and put out so many beautiful thank-yous. I hope I delivered all the mail properly that day, as there were tears of gratitude filling my eyes.—Kay Scott, Bucyrus, Ohio

I was a busy mom running errands, and while stopped at a red light, I was rear-ended. The driver and his wife were so worried about their insurance covering the repairs that they made me promise to let them know when my car was fixed. I dropped them a note to thank them for their concern and let them know that all was well. I received the sweetest note back, reading, You run into the nicest people.—Norma Adams, Clarinda, Iowa

I received a message over Facebook from a woman who said I had written her a note when she was in sixth grade, telling her to smile, that she was beautiful, and things would get better. She told me she had been contemplating suicide that day and I had saved her life. Today she has a beautiful family and two children. Be kind to one another.—K. K., via rd.com

The point of these stories is that they clearly demonstrate what a simple act of thanking someone can do. Just as one act of kindness can make a profound difference in a person’s life – so too can a thank you because being thankful is an act of kindness.

Being thankful can be spiritually rewarding for you too. It can make you happy and it can be healthy for you as well because a spiritual person can have more balance in their life between body, mind and spirit. This may encourage you to always take the time to be thankful – not just for people you come in contact with but those you may not ever meet.

I remember some years ago; I had an MRI which was read by a doctor in a local hospital. This doctor never met patients. It was just his job to read MRIs and provide a diagnosis. For some reason, I decided to send him a thank you note and I mailed it to him in the hospital. I’m sure he got the note and I am pretty sure it made an impact on him but I will never know. How many anonymous patients had he helped over the years without anyone ever thanking him? And remember, when you are thankful to others it can not only be uplifting for them, but it can also change their life in a small way – just like in the stories I just shared. Perhaps it will even encourage them to be more thankful and, in turn, cause others to be more thankful. It is like one raindrop. One drop makes little difference but billions can reverse drought, cause crops to grow, and save the lives of people. So too can one little thank you.

This is why the holiday of Thanksgiving was created.

The location of Thanksgiving in the late fall is directly related to the act of giving thanks after the harvest, particularly when it has been a bountiful one.

A little history:

Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, became an official Federal holiday in 1863, when, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of "Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens", to be celebrated on the last Thursday in November. There are reports that the original Thanksgiving proclamation was signed by George Washington.

The event that Americans commonly call the "First Thanksgiving" was, of course, celebrated by the Pilgrims after their first harvest in the New World in 1621 - not far from here! This feast lasted three days, and it was attended by 90 Native Americans (as accounted by attendee Edward Winslow) and 53 Pilgrims. The New England colonists were accustomed to regularly celebrating "thanksgivings"—days of prayer thanking God for all the blessings they had. (From Wikipedia)

Although religious in origin, Thanksgiving has evolved into a holiday that can be celebrated in both a religious, secular, and even spiritual context. For this reason, it is a universal holiday for all and a special time for all Americans to give thanks for the many blessings we have as people, as a nation and as a person.

Sadly because of commercial interests, Thanksgiving, for some, has been eclipsed with a focus on holiday sale events and the so-called “Black Friday” instead of focusing on the real meaning of this day of thanks.

I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is a time unencumbered with the trappings of other holidays. It is a time to give thanks or at least it should be. It is a time when friends and family come together to share a great feast together. In my view, meals can and should be a sacred experience. All human beings need to eat in order to survive. When basic sustenance is combined with friendship, love, celebration and gratitude, such as it can be in Thanksgiving, the event becomes sacred.

One of the real values of the Thanksgiving holiday is that it is a reminder of the sacredness of eating and sharing thanks together. It can and should be a time to remember the many blessings we have in our lives – just as the pilgrims and the Wampanoag did. It should be a time to recognize that despite life’s hardships, we do have a lot to be thankful for. It can be a time to share our thanks with others, to give thanks and to accept thanks. It can be a time to remember that meaning and joy can be derived from eating and sharing together – a time to acknowledge the sacredness of table and a time to give thanks to the sacred forces that create and uphold life. And it is a time to remember that giving thanks is a sign of love.

When you get a chance today or tomorrow – thank someone for what they have done. Realize how this act makes them feel and how it makes you feel as well.

Reverend C.J. McMahon

UUMH

November 3, 2024