"Reaching for the Stars" (Creating Positive Change)

There is a simple but powerful message in the two Buddhist passages I read this morning. We often become what we think. In a sense, we can create our own reality. This is one of the central messages expressed in Buddhism. The idea is that if you think evil thoughts, you will have a tendency to become evil. If you think loving thoughts, you will have a tendency to become a loving person.

(L) Photo by Jacob Dyer on Unsplash

Buddhists take this notion very seriously. In fact some Buddhist sects become obsessed with their state of mind, at all times, fearing that if they are in a negative state of mind when they happen to die, they will become reincarnated into a form or being reflective of their immediate past state of mind. Therefore – it is best to always be thinking positively!

Curiously, modern science is beginning to accept this. In his book, “The Physics of God, author Joseph Selbie notes, “The new paradigm that is emerging from these various genetic and epigenetic studies is that one set of genetic blueprints can produce many different results. Twins who began their lives with identical portions of their DNA activated can end their lives with very different portions of their DNA activated. There is no inevitable, preprogrammed, hard-coded destiny in our genes; outside influences, such as behaviors and even our thoughts and feelings can substantially alter gene activation and gene expression.”

So, it apparently is the case that if, for example, a person becomes fixated with anger toward a certain person or persons, they will probably be filled with hatred. This will certainly impact their entire waking life. Simply put, it’s difficult to be filled with hatred toward someone or something and be a loving person toward others. Negative emotions are consuming and they impact who we are and, perhaps more importantly, who we are becoming.

Think about this. Think of the last time – perhaps yesterday, last week, or last month when you were in a particularly bad mood for some reason. You felt anger, resentment or jealousy toward someone. Maybe these feelings had some justification but look at the impact they had on your life at that time.

We know very well that often times when someone is acting in a vindictive or cruel way toward someone else, the trigger for this is pain, or hurt, or anger in their life – situations we do not know about and we do not see or cannot understand. Simply put, negative emotions make us who we are today and they can warp our personality if they become operative in our day-to-day life.

Some years ago, I remember one of my co-workers coming into my office and I sensed she was looking for a fight (I wasn’t certain why). She began to yell at me and when I remained silent, she grew even madder. Finally, she told me that she was only going to do the minimum amount of work necessary according to her job

description. I responded by saying – “fine do the minimum but that will have an impact on everything you do related to this job and what this job will do for you.”

She then flew out of my office exclaiming that I had hurt her feelings and was being cruel. She ran and told others she had never been so insulted by anyone in her life. When I went down to her office and told her I was sorry if she thought I hurt her – she burst out crying and told me that I had no idea what was going on in her life. Clearly her anger was a reflection of other things she was experiencing at that particular time. Simply put – we are what we think and we act according to our state of mind.

In a way, I think most people intuitively know this but few of us do anything about it. We drift from day to day – emotion to emotion without trying to form or control the impact of our feelings on our development as a human being.

Book after book has been written on the importance of being a loving parent in the early years of child development. Mental illness and psychopathology are, often times the result of abuse or neglect during the early years of child development.

We know this but we forget that the same negative effects can happen, perhaps in somewhat lesser ways throughout the course of our lifetime. Our feelings and emotions are powerful shapers of our spiritual being.

Adults who experience hurt, neglect, abuse, and shame can be just as affected in their future development as a young child can be affected in their early years of development.

Many times though, the difference between the child and the adult is that the adult, most often, has the ability to do something about it. There is generally no reason for an adult to remain in a situation that feeds their soul with negativity and hurt. Just as Buddhism suggests, we do have the ability to alter our state of mind, and in

so doing, we can positively affect our spiritual being.

Believe me - I am not suggesting this is easy. On the contrary, it can be profoundly difficult. But it is not impossible. Taking a positive and loving approach to life can be difficult but we can choose to do it and we can choose to try to reach for the stars even when our spirits are inclined to sink into the depths of despair.

It is the choice of attitude that makes the whole difference. And it’s not something you do once in your life. Moment by moment, day by day, year by year, we are faced with the choice of taking a positive and loving outlook toward life or choosing the negative outlook. This choice will affect who we are and who we will become. It will also affect our impact on the world and our influence on our brother and sister human beings whom we interact with in our day-to-day life.

I guess I learned a lot about personal choice and attitude when I was doing my hospital chaplaincy at a Washington DC hospital. In my months on the cardiac care floor and the oncology floor, I was faced with human despair on a daily basis. The differences in how patients dealt with their serious illnesses were profound. Many were in the stages of death described so eloquently by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her many books on death and dying. Many were angry or bitter. “I don’t deserve this”, many would say. Some spoke of bargaining with God. “If only God will heal me,” I will change my life and become a caring and sharing person. Still others were in a spirit of helplessness – feeling out of control and afraid.

The smallest number of people, and the ones who amazed me the most, were the few persons who, despite their terminal illnesses, shined with a gentle lovingness that struck all who happened to talk to them. In some cases, I was awe struck at the power and the love that emanated from these people.

But my work in the hospital taught me a powerful lesson. During my years studying counseling and psychology, it had been suggested by many of my professors that a lot of people on their deathbed experience a powerful conversion and become deeply spiritual people. My experience in the hospital was quite the

opposite. It is true some people did become “religious” – that is, some wanted to bargain with God – but I never saw anyone who came into the hospital as a shallow person and evolved in days or weeks to becoming a spiritual person. I suppose it is possible but I never saw it.

And so, I learned that those who had that amazingly loving attitude I witnessed in the hospital – even in the grips of illness and impending death – were those who long before had chosen a path of living their life with love and hope and compassion in their heart. These were the people who had chosen to reach for the stars and to focus on the wonderful aspects of life and to choose to minimize or place in perspective the negative and painful parts of life.

Reaching for the stars is all about becoming a loving and caring person and it is also about so much more. It is about living one’s life with love in our heart and love in our life. It is about projecting this love into the world and creating love for others. It is difficult to emphasize how absolutely essential this is.

Think about it. What is usually the message given in our culture when someone wants to reach for the stars – to reach for uniqueness, greatness or to try to create profound change? What is the message given when someone says as did Martin Luther Kings Jr. – “I have a dream?”

Instead of embracing the person, supporting them, and encouraging them – too often the message is – “oh don’t even try that, you will never be able to accomplish it.” “There are too many obstacles.” “Don’t try this, it isn’t practical.” “Don’t do this, there are too many risks.” “If you attempt this, you’ll be the laughing stock of

the organization.” “If you do that you will be disappointed and hurt.”

And so – fearing the risks of reaching for the stars, too many of us settle for complacency and we subjugate our positive dreams to the realm of fantasy and contextualize them in the practicalities of the real world. In so doing, we fail to strive to reach for the stars and clearly this impacts heavily on our heart and soul and on our spiritual development. It also impacts on how we act toward and treat other people.

I remember well the attitude I received from people when I chose to go to seminary at 36 years old. (I knew at the time it was a bit of a leap off the cliff – a leap into the unknown). “You’re giving up your great career for the unknown.” “There’s no security in it.” “You’re throwing your life away.” And then there was a certain UU minister’s advice when I invited he and his wife to dinner to discuss what it meant to be a liberal minister. Well into a third double scotch he commented, “This can be a miserable job. I’m glad I am retiring soon and getting out.” Then there were those who simply said to me, “You’re just plain crazy.” And so it went.

But I believe that Buddhism holds an important lesson. You are what you think and you become what you do. When you reach for the stars – even if you don’t get there, it is the process of reaching that is most important for it is in the reaching that you grow in mind and spirit. It is not winning the game that is important; it is

how you play the game.

The important lesson is that reaching for the stars is a choice that you make on the type of person you choose to be and the type of person you want to become. There is a story I know of a person who had talked for years about starting a diet. He’d get brochures for weight-control and read them while eating a pint of ice cream.

He would buy diet books and read them during half-time while watching a football game – his family room table littered with beer cans and fast food.

Finally, one day in a restaurant – over a substantial lunch – he complained to his best friend that he really needed to work on a diet. Exasperated at the endless discussions of diet – his friend finally said – “put down that fork and start right now or don’t talk about this ever again.” And so, his diet began – and I might add

– it worked.

Most of us carry around an image of who we would like to be but if we do not take action on this – if we do not reach for the stars – we cannot change ourselves and we cannot change the world around us. Talk means nothing until we put it into action – acta non verba so to speak. Just a commitment, right here, right now, is

sufficient to begin the process of reaching for the stars and creating positive change in your life – and in so doing – creating positive change in the world at large.

Complacency is the enemy of change and it is the poison of the spirit. People who refuse to consider change and a positive attitude and simply tell me – “hey this is the way I am, take it or leave it” – will never be people filled with a positive loving attitude. They will never be people filled with love and compassion because love

and compassion are proactive states of being and ones that demand constant evaluation and re-evaluation of attitude and action.

Part of the problem of being complacent in our attitude is that when we care little about our attitude and actions and when we make little effort to be loving and caring people we become subject to the negative forces of life. We become the tree limb rushing along in a flood swollen river – unable to direct its course or establish a destination. If we do this, our actions and attitudes become molded by our experience of the moment. If we are experiencing a bad day – it fouls our mood and we pass this mood along to others because we have no mechanism in our heart and mind to control our negative thoughts and actions.

Unfortunately, often times, when we are in a bad mood and do not try to control our mood and our actions toward others, we perpetuate these feelings and actions along to other people.

Driving can offer a good example of this. If, for example, we make a mistake in our driving and someone yells at us and give us a one finger sign which doesn’t mean you’re number one – we can be mad and hurt.

Unless we are careful and try to control our feelings – chances are within minutes we will find someone who we feel has egregiously offended us with their driving and we may even give them a one finger sign which doesn’t mean that they are number one in our mind either. And so it goes – negativity begets negativity.

Anger begets anger. Insults beget insults. Negative feelings generate negative feelings and they can hurt people in the process.

We can, however, choose to be the end of the link in the chain of bad feelings and emotions. If someone yells at us, if someone hurts us, if someone makes us mad – we can choose not to pass these feelings on to others. We can take a couple of deep breaths – think of something wonderful in our life – and push away the

negative feelings we are experiencing. We can choose to put a smile on our face instead of a scowl. Just remember – this will affect all others who come in contact with us. And, like a ripple in a pond, our feelings will reach out and impact others we never see or meet.

Part of the problem in our culture is that we are constantly told to “get in touch with our feelings and emotions.” I would agree with this wholeheartedly. The root cause of many problems in people’s lives is that they are not “in touch” with their feelings.

But there is a difference with being “in touch with our feelings and acting out our feelings”. We may want to punch someone when we are mad – but physical violence never results in anything positive and, quite to the contrary, it generally propagates more violence in return.

By all means, be in touch with your feelings – but try (and it is hard) to turn negative feelings into love and compassion rather than letting bad feelings affect how we act and treat others. People who are able to do this are powerful people and they stand out as exceptional people.

As Buddhists know, practicing compassion and a positive attitude is the secret to all things – for compassion generates love. Love makes the world a better place and those who practice love and compassion instead of anger and hatred find peace, contentment, and joy in life beyond all measure.

Reverend Christopher McMahon

UUMH

January 5, 2025